I think I was 12. It took me three years to pluck up the courage to speak to you. I was so scared of the way I felt; you know, loving a girl, that I became a sarcastic bitch just to make it feel normal. I screwed guys to make it go away, but it didn’t work. When we got together it scared the shit out of me because you were the one person who could ruin my life. I pushed you away. I made you think things were your fault, but really I was just terrified of pain. I screwed that girl Sophia to kind of spite you for having that hold on me. And I’m a total fucking coward because I got these tickets for us for Goa three months ago. But I couldn’t stand … I didn’t want to be a slave to the way I feel about you. Can you understand? You were trying to punish me back, and it’s horrible. It’s so horrible because, really, I would die for you.

I love you. I love you so much it is killing me.